


The Blessing of The Blue Rose

by Sailingfreely



Series: The Field of Roses [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, If you don't like mpreg don't read, Living Together, M/M, Mpreg, Sequel to tcotbr, Supernatural Elements, incubus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:42:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29540457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: "Loving is not easy, it's not about having the same feelings, but to work on it, struggle with it and try our best to fit and make it last. I was confident about my love for you, but that's not enough.""It's a long fight, isn't it, maybe for our lifetime. But i guess with you, I'll gladly keep fighting.""And you still want to have a family with me? Even after all those pain and tears?""Even with my life on the line? Always."
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: The Field of Roses [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1164221
Comments: 26
Kudos: 85





	1. Petal 1: Hard to Swallow

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo here i am with the sequel of TCOTBR!!! Thanks to a certain lovely person on Twitter who gave me an incentive to write this one hehehe 💚
> 
> This one won't have as much chapters as TCOTBR, so I'll be quite short (maybe, my brain often have different agenda lol)
> 
> Obviously, there will be angst, but i promise to even it out with fluff!! Now then, hope anyone still reading this to enjoy the read 💚💚💚

People around him are busy with phone calls, typing on keyboard, discussions et cetera, but Jaehyun couldn't think of anything - _less about his work_ \- when his mind occupied with the thing he learnt yesterday morning. The seal, on Taeyong's lower back or whatever it was, haunting Jaehyun's head. What was it? He had only ever heard of it, the only seal his kind has which manifested there, were only those of... Pregnancy. Could he seen it wrong? Maybe he mistook it as a seal, but actually something else? He didn't dare to take a look again, afraid it'll make it all the more real. But his avoidance was translated by Taeyong as Jaehyun still being angry with him, after all he would touch him almost every night, and now, nada. It's already a rarity for succubus incubus alike to experience a bond or even love in itself, much more for the two to have children from their bond, it was a lot more rare. What Jaehyun's parents had which resulted to his birth was considered anomaly from how rare it was. Still, it exist. Possibility, exist.

But Taeyong is a human - _a male at that_ -, despite there's a bond between them, it just doesn't make sense. Jaehyun groaned, no matter how much he tries to think about it, he couldn't find an answer. If only his parents were there, but there was no way of knowing where they are, or other succubus incubus alike for their kind are solitary and territorial. Even if he somehow meets another of his kind, that could lead to a potential fight and Jaehyun not sure he could reason with them in a civil conversation. So what other choice does he have? He have to check it again if it really was a seal, or maybe there are other kind of seal which manifested in that part of the body? He knows nothing, yet he at least know that this situation, if it was real, spell troubles.

"Hey Jaehyun, don't you have something to do?"

Forcibly, he cut off his train of thoughts and look up to see his colleague, frowning to him, "oh, yeah, I have a meeting in the noon, I need to gather the papers for it."

"Then send me the proposal from the day before yesterday first before you go, I need that for my meeting."

"But I've sent it to you? I have emailed you that just a few days ago?"

"What? I didn't get it, maybe it got buried, you should've told me when you sent it!"

"Sorry I forgot," he smiled, not at all feeling guilty, "I'll send it again, also I'll take early lunch today."

"As long as you finish your work on time. Send it."

The man walked away leaving Jaehyun in his cubicle, only for another person to pop up her face, grinning widely to him, "him again? He's trouble, really, although he's not necessarily bad. But annoying describe him."

"Compared to you, a cat, he's a sweetheart," Jaehyun snorted, no longer surprised with the many supernatural beings in that company, considering the one who owns it was one too.

"As if you don't have a history of playing tricks on humans. Also, you calling me cat feels rather insulting, I've lived more than thousand of years to be called that" she scoffed.

"Oh right, you're no longer _just_ a cat," he said sarcastically, "speaking of thousands of years though, you've lived here far longer than I am right? Have you ever encountered an incubus or succubus?"

She makes a face as if he's crazy, "duh, you."

"I mean besides me," he rolled his eyes.

"Your type is energy kind of demons right? Aren't your kind usually living in the realm of human's mind? I have only seen you who live life like humans, getting a job, get paid and coming to a place called home."

"I thought so, just wondering if there's any like me."

"You're an odd one, but if you're interested, why not ask our CEO? I bet he got a connection who knows things like that," she snickers.

She was addressing Hyukjae rather than Donghae, he know that much. Of course these creatures know about his bad blood with the certain nephilim after the blood show which happened in front of the company building, they never fail to tease and remind him of it. Although now he could have a civil conversation with the nephilim, that only happened when Taeyong was around, Jaehyun is not fond of the idea to seek help from him. But considering his circumstances, he doesn't have much options, does he.

"Anyway, I've sent the email and now am going to have lunch," he said as he's standing up.

"Lunch, sure," she snorted, "this is busy season for the guys in design, I wonder if your meal is available, good luck."

Of course she was right, because when Jaehyun reached Taeyong's department, everyone was running around like headless chickens and everything seems so hectic and chaotic, including Taeyong with his dark bags under his eyes. Maybe it was good that he didn't touch him last night, since that means Taeyong got more time to rest. No wonder the human was in such irritable and pissy mood as of late, he was stressed. But was it the _only_ reason? Jaehyun was in the middle of contemplating whether he should just go or call for Taeyong, when the man himself saw him and walk to him.

Jaehyun? Why are you here? Do the sales need something from us?"

"No, I'm here for personal matter," he grins, effectively soothing the frown on Taeyong's face.

"So _you_ , were looking for me?" He smiled, still looking a bit confused.

"Yeah," Jaehyun leaning on the door, arms crossed over his chest and head titled to the side with a sweet smile adorning his beautiful face.

Taeyong blinks, not sure why Jaehyun made a show like that or he is just being absolutely charming unconsciously, "I thought you were mad at me."

"Because of last night? We fought in the morning, but it was nothing serious, why would you think I'll get mad over that? I didn't do anything last night because you look like you needed some rest." His mind was too occupied last night to realize the state Taeyong was in, but he decided to lie a bit and be careful for the next.

He hummed, "I felt like I overreacted before, I don't know... I feel so irritable these days."

 _Yeah, I can see that_ , Jaehyun thought, but was it because he was overworked or was it a side effect to... _Let's not go there, for now_ , "so I was thinking, us having lunch together today? To make up for last night?"

Taeyong is blushing a little, knowing what Jaehyun meant, they're in the office after all, for God sake. And oh, sweet Taeyong, his ever handsy lover doesn't even look affronted at the invitation of a tryst in broad daylight. Before he reply though, a colleague went pass them and chimed in, "Taeyong, this really isn't the time to flirt around, we need all hands on deck."

"Shut up, I wasn't! And I can have a break after all I've done, okay? I'll get back to it later," he exclaimed, earning soft laughter from the guy and some others.

That made Jaehyun frown, "they know about us?"

" _Shh!_ " He hissed and pushed Jaehyun into the rather empty hallway, "no one knows about us here, he was just joking, since you were... Um, you definitely looked like you were flirting with me, that's why he said that. Beside the fact that other guys from sales trying to rope us into insane deadline that is, they really don't need another one from you, through me."

" _I,_ looked like I was flirting with you?" He chuckled, "how? I was just standing there. Also, are you the pushover in the team? For them to fear that?"

"Yeah, you were just standing there, looking all charismatic and gorgeous, hard to tell. And no, I'm not a pushover... Anymore. Is just that, well... Maybe they noticed i can't really say no to... You," Taeyong looked down and Jaehyun hides a grin.

"Now you make me want to kiss you."

"Well... I'm not gonna deny that, but not here obviously," Taeyong smiled shyly, despite the want glaring in his eyes.

"So... for old times sake?"

Taeyong's back collided to the bathroom stall with a bang, nobody pays it any mind since he keeps kissing Jaehyun's mouth fervently, hands roaming and one pulling at the taller man's hair. He's walking backward blindly while Jaehyun leading the way into one of the stall and locked it, never stop at kissing each other. Jaehyun pin him to the wall again, was pleasantly surprised when Taeyong lift one of his legs and hooks it over his ass, pulling him even closer hungrily. Well, that's something. Taeyong can be bold, yes, but this? The man just wants to take and thirsty for it. If this what Jaehyun going to get every time he didn't touch him for one night, he'll be tempted to do it again. Sadly, they're in the office toilet, they can't go too far, Jaehyun laments.

"Taeyong," he groaned into the kiss, heart drops when the said man chasing after his lips and kissing him again not wanting to let go, arms hooking on his neck, "oh fuck, this feels so good, why are we in the office anyway?"

The human chuckled, kissing him one last time before pulling away a bit to stare at him, slipping his hand down to squeeze his ass, "because we are corporate slaves?"

"I'd rather be yours, I just want to- _oh God_ don't do that, I won't be able to stop," Jaehyun moaned when the heel of the man's foot tightens over his ass, tongue and teeth slithering over the expanse of pale neck causing him to shiver with mounting desire, "Taeyong-"

"Sometimes I need this to destress, you know?" He gasped softly as their half hard arousals brushed against each other.

"Okay, signal clear and received," Jaehyun inhaled sharply before he flip Taeyong around and press his front to the wall, yanking out the man's shirt and diving in his large, hot hands under it, holding Taeyong's slim, smooth waist, smirking "then, next time I'll ask first whether you want to rest or... Destress."

Taeyong shudders from the deep, rough voice behind his ear, every inch of him rumbles in lust. But then, he noticed the way Jaehyun's fingers caressing his lower back, it's different, wasn't a heated touch and more like he's searching for something, "what is it? Is something there?"

Jaehyun took a moment to reply, staring closely at the seal on the golden skin, round with intricate Celtic pattern. He's deciding whether he should tell Taeyong or not, but even he didn't know exactly what the seal is about, so he chose, "no, I was thinking whether we should continue this here or in your dream? That way we could have more fun without it burdens your body, since it's still work hours."

The human laughed, "that's a good idea, that way we have more time for me to have real food for lunch. I like the idea of us having an office lunch date, it sounds... Nice, don't you think?"

"Is it different from our lunch dates before?"

Taeyong grins, "it'll feel more like office affairs."

Jaehyun chuckled, "you and your mind, it does have an appeal."

"Of course it is," Taeyong reach back to pull at Jaehyun's head, kissing his lips chastely, "now, let us dream, shall we?"

They spent only five minutes in reality and long, long playtime in the dream, what they did there will remain as their secret, what matters is that they're thoroughly satisfied. Then they walk together to the main road and chose a nearby soup restaurant, fast to serve, easy and quick to eat. Eyes playing, feet lightly bumping each other, fingers in contact and smiling cutely whenever they find themselves being silly like teenagers in secret love. Foods on the table and spoon deep in the bowl when they heard a voice greeting them.

"Wow, look at those guys, they reek of hormones."

Jaehyun look up to see Hyungwon grimacing at them with Changkyun standing beside him. Taeyong turned around with wide eyes, blushing a bit at the accusation, "what the, you guys eating here too? And what the hell does that even mean?"

"Don't ask me, I smell nothing but good food," Changkyun shrugged.

"Good for you, they reek of love hormones. If you didn't know any better, you would think Jaehyun is a werewolf, with the way he doused Taeyong in his scent," he coughed as if the smell was too thick just to tease, "can you believe they got frisky in the middle of the day? Where did they even do it?"

"Oh gosh, no!" Taeyong whispers violently, hands grabbing at Hyungwon's shirt with the tall guy trying to get away, "you shut up, people can hear you!"

"Taeyong, your reaction will only make him want to tease you more, just let him be," Jaehyun said, smiling when the two joining at their table, much to Taeyong's despair.

"Buy me a lunch then I'll shut up," Hyungwon winked to Taeyong.

"Not a chance," Jaehyun replied instead, since Taeyong goes red about to combust, "the restaurant is full, you can sit with us, just take that."

Hyungwon hmph-ed, "not fun, but I'll take it."

They eat lunch in a civil manner, with some occasional teasing from the other two on Taeyong since his reactions was too fun to let go. For Jaehyun though, he got another agenda with them as light bulb blinking in his head, thinking for the right time to bring it out. Thankfully enough, Taeyong told them that he needed to go to the bathroom and Jaehyun seize the chance like a lion to its prey.

"Guys, i wanna ask if you ever meet another of my kind? You lived quite long, Changkyun, have you?"

"Your kind? Like incubus or succubus? No, I've only met you, your kind pretty rare to encounter in the physical world after all, from what I know," the man answered and looking to Hyungwon to hear what he'll say.

"It's haven't been long since I become what I am, if even Changkyun didn't, how could I?"

"Figured, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask," he sighed.

"Why?" Changkyun asked, taking a mouthful and curiosity in his eyes.

"There's something I wanna ask, a question hard to answer even by my own kind, I think."

"If you're asking about your own kind to ask something, it must be about your own kind, so how can your own kind can't answer the question about your own kind?" Hyungwon said, making the other two heads spinning from the words, "what?"

"Couldn't you phrase it simpler?" Changkyun deadpanned.

"But you get it! Right?" He looks to Jaehyun.

"Well, that's the gist of it, it's complicated."

"So I'm allowed to phrase it as complicated," Hyungwon huffed.

Changkyun writes down something on his name card, giving it to Jaehyun, "you can ask Donghae if you want, he lived longer than me, or Hyukjae who lived even far longer. They might know something." Then he looks to Hyungwon, "finish your food, Hyungwon."

"I don't really like-"

"Finish. Your. Food."

"Fine," he pouted, it makes Jaehyun smile from watching their interaction, they seem carefree and he's a bit envious of that. Terrible seem to follow him and Taeyong since the start. Not long after Taeyong come back and then they go back to the office together.

Nightfall and Taeyong in the bathroom, while Jaehyun sitting on the couch in the living room fingering the card which was given to him just yesterday. There are two sets of numbers written with ' _Donghae_ ' and ' _Hyukjae_ ' there, he's contemplating if it his only option to get some answers. He didn't have anything against Donghae on a personal level, but Hyukjae? That's a different case. It was thanks to Taeyong's presence which was a good buffer to their tense relationship. To contact Hyukjae by himself to ask a favor? That still feels like bowing to an enemy. He sighed, he's aware enough that his previous hatred towards the nephilim was quite unjustified, but he still can't help what he's feeling.

But maybe this is a chance given by fate to erase the disease in their relationship. He tucks the card into his wallet, place it back in his work bag and throw his head over the couch. He will contact him, later. For now he wants to stay in the bliss of ignorance.

"I'm done, it's your turn," Taeyong padded into the living room only in his navy robe, wet hair sticking to his skin.

"Your hair still wet, Taeyong, dry it properly or you'll catch a cold."

"Don't worry, the room is warm, it'll dry by itself soon. And I'm going to make some hot tea, you want some?" He tried to go to the kitchen, but a leg stops him, "nice leg, what?"

"Get the hair dryer, I'll dry it for you," Jaehyun sighed and Taeyong gives him a lift of an eyebrow.

"Someone is grumpy, I take it work has been rough on you too," but he listened and go back to the bathroom to take the hairdryer and give it to Jaehyun.

"So you've been having rough work too?" He plugs it to the extended cable by the couch, patting the space beside him for Taeyong to sit on.

"You must know, sales been an ass to us designers, you guys been giving shit to the art director, weren't you?"

The noise of the hair dryer kind of drowning Taeyong's voice, it's too loud, yet something about it feels calming to Jaehyun's louder mind, "we've been pressured by other departments too, it's always sick how hectic it is every time there's new products."

"Let's not talk about work at home, I want this place to be where I can relax," Taeyong moaned.

"Am I not relaxing enough for you?" Jaehyun smiled, fingers brushing the wet hair gently, keeping a decent distance from the hairdryer not to hurt Taeyong's scalp.

"You're baiting me? I'm not going to say it," Taeyong chuckled, reaching back to squeeze Jaehyun's thigh.

"Careful with your hand, Taeyong, don't try anything funny, it's late and we're going to sleep tonight, tomorrow's a long day."

"I'm not you, I don't always think those thoughts, I just want to touch you."

"With no reason?"

"Am I only allowed to touch you with a reason?" He challenged and Jaehyun could hear the grin in his voice.

"No, you can touch me whenever and however you want," he said with a smile and prompting Taeyong to look back to him, eyes a bit piercing.

"I have to be careful with my hands, but you need to be careful with your words."

"Unless...?"

Taeyong smirked, "we're not going there, you're right, we need decent sleep tonight."

Jaehyun chuckled, kissing the golden nape, the short hair in that area dry enough and he couldn't stop himself from licking on it, feeling the way the body under twitched and hair rising to his lips. Taeyong look to him again, eyes hazy with the familiar heat of desire Jaehyun knows so well, eliciting euphoria within.

"You told us not to, yet you're teasing me."

Jaehyun hummed, "i haven't done anything worth mentioning yet."

"You licked my nape."

"Your erogenous spot?" He smirked and Taeyong pouts.

"You're a headache," he whispered before he's diving in to kiss Jaehyun, turning his body on his lap and coiling his arms on the taller man's neck. They kiss for a while, hands at bay not to ignite more, just savoring the heat of their bodies, the loud noise of the hairdryer forgotten and only the noises pouring out their mouths are minded. When Taeyong pulls away, he was on top of Jaehyun, looking down at him with the devil in his eyes, his tongue darted out to wet his already moist lips. But then he took the hair dryer and turn it off, putting it on Jaehyun's panting chest and a smug look on his face.

"Go take a shower, put back the hair dryer and let's sleep."

Jaehyun blinks, huffing, "and you said I'm the tease?"

Taeyong laughs as he gets off and walking down to the bedroom, no longer in the mood for a tea, "I'm just following your advice, Jaehyun. Good night."

He shook his head, smiling, going to the bathroom to put away the hair dryer and take a shower. Being alone under running water, thoughts visiting his head again, like messy thread impossible to untangle. But he rubs his face with both palms, dulling the voices and erase it, not tonight. He doesn't want to think. So he hurried to finish his shower, dry his body and pull up a clean cotton long pants, getting out of the bathroom into the bed where Taeyong is laying.

The human must be tired, because he's already sleeping deeply when Jaehyun crawling in from behind and snuggle to him, not at all roused from the slumber. He kisses his temple, his cheek and shoulder, inhaling his scent and hugging him a bit tighter, as if the man could comfort him just being there. Taeyong does. Life is so beautiful and joyful with him by his side and yet, the drama has to unfold and Jaehyun fall asleep with anxiety beating within from the bothering image resting on Taeyong's lower back.

"Oh crap."

Sakura the _nekomata_ , the cat girl in his departement, pop up her head to peek at him from her cubicle, "what? Is there some errors? I heard a technician gonna come up today, so don't forget to back up first unless you wanna redo it all."

"No, my program running well, I've been saving it. It just-" he groaned as softly as he can not to bother his other colleagues in the office room, "I'm feeling so anxious i can't think of anything else."

"You didn't get enough lunch?" She snickers, "i noticed you haven't been visiting the designers for some weeks now. I would suggest you go there today, but I'm not that kind, we're swapped so you better keep your ass working."

"How do you know i got something with someone from the design team? Were we too obvious? But no, it's not about that."

"Not to the mortals, but please you both reeks of each other, we know, duh. I would offer you my catnip tea, but I'm sure it won't have any relaxing effect on you, so work out whatever making you anxious, we need your clear head here."

"Yeah... I guess so, better do it now or it'll be too late, stalling won't help anyone," he sighed, just have to swallow his pride.

"Try to finish your problem by lunch, you've been stalling too much and I'm not gonna let you drag us down."

"Wow, you're mean, how can i possibly fix my problem over a short lunch? Have some mercy," he bemoaned.

"I'm a _youkai_ , I'm supposed to be mean, try to rearrange your thoughts at least, priorities. You'll be on the field after lunch, right? Take that time."

 _Guess that's that_ , Jaehyun thought, the sooner the better for them all, especially Taeyong. He needs to know what's really going on. There's some time before lunch, so he'll text the nephilim first if he could talk to him that day. Should he make it sounds formal? Whatever for, he grumbles at his own stupid thought, so he sent one without much thinking, ' _this is Jaehyun, you got time to talk today?_ '

Okay that's too casual. But he sent it. Whatever.

The reply comes soon and makes him feel dumber and regretful to even think of sending a formal text, ' _Taeyong's stupid incubus Jaehyun? Where did you get my number and what do you want_.'

_Suck it up, suck it up Jaehyun, don't let him get on your nerves, you need him, 'i need to ask you something, face to face.'_

Jaehyun almost flip his table when the reply pop up, ' _say the magic word_.'

He types it furiously, full caps lock and clenched jaws, _'PLEASE?'_

 _'Meet me at the restaurant where your stupid CEO made the four of us went to before_.'

Jaehyun remember that place, ' _keep this meeting between us.'_

_'... That's sus, I feel like I should refuse.'_

_'I'LL BE THERE_ ', and Jaehyun slammed his phone on his desk uncaring of the eyes gawking at him.

When the time for lunch came, Jaehyun goes to the restaurant right away, not wanting to waste time and wish for it to be done as soon as he can dealing with the nephilim. He sat down at the corner near a window, to avoid their conversation to be heard and only just ordered when the nephilim, wearing all black looking more like a demon than an angel, come strutting to him.

"A very big surprise to me, for you to call me like this by yourself, must be important," he smirked.

"Don't goad or I'll be out there in a second," he holds in a hiss at the base of his throat.

Hyukjae snorted, but he's sitting down across of him, "you know very well that you won't, considering how much you need me for whatever it is."

"I'll go straight to the point because it'll be better for both of us-"

"I thought we've put the past behind us-" he cuts in.

Jaehyun cuts in again, "we did, but you know it's still hard for us to pretend nothing happened."

"So it seems," Hyukjae smiled, although without tease this time, "i had hoped we could be friends, but i think it'll take time. And what is it you want from me?"

"You've lived long enough, have you ever encountered others of my kind?"

There's a look of confusion, Hyukjae brought a hand over his lips as if he's controlling what he's about to say, "yes, i did, and what of it? I couldn't find your kind if that's what you're asking, even those I've met, they're hard to locate given their nature."

"Initially that's what i want to ask, but since you've answered it, i want to ask something else instead. Would you know about the seals which could manifest in my kind?"

"Seals? Like the one on your chest?"

"Yes, if you know about other seals like it?"

Hyukjae tapping a finger to his chin, thinking, "I know only the major kinds from what some of your kind shared with me. The cursed seal which locks their magic as a punishment to always feel hunger yet cannot die. The seal of the bond which you know and is rarer than the first. The marked seal to monitor the dangerous ones who've crossed more than two cardinal rules in your society, and lastly the seal of creation which is far rarer than the other three."

Jaehyun's heart kicked, his eyes stern to see if the nephilim was in anyway messing with him, but he wasn't, it was the truth which he said. "Have you ever see the seal of creation?"

"Have I? Wouldn't you know it best, Jaehyun? One of the two I've ever seen was your birth."

"My... What? You knew me by then?" He gapes in shock.

"Not really, I only recognized you by your energy wavelength when I saw you again in the war, the son of people I know, that was it."

Hyukjae tried to hide it, but Jaehyun see the look in his eyes, "that was why you felt responsible and seek for me to resolve the issue between us."

He smiled while looking down to the table, "maybe. So? What do you want with this information?"

That was unexpected yet Jaehyun no longer feel anything about that past, at least he thinks now is not the time. "That wasn't what I want to know from you, but do you remember how did the seal of creation look like? And what happens in those processes?"

Hyukjae frowned, not because it's an unpleasant question, but because he's wondering why Jaehyun asking this specifically, "it was round with Celtic patterns, the process varies, at least what I know of."

"How did it vary?" Jaehyun press on.

The food came, they stay silent until the waiter put them all down and left, Hyukjae sip at his iced chocolate, "what I witnessed with your birth, your mother bear the seal of creation and from there the energy from the contact of your parents nurtured your creation. It wasn't like any other creature's birth, it almost seemed like you appeared out of thin air, I was told your being was created by the accumulation of their energies through the container, which was the seal, and became whole with your own energy, if that answer you."

"So the seal acts as a container... The bond makes the exchange of energy possible and the seal of creation came to be to contain and change it into another being, is that it?"

"Yes, I believe so. Your creation was quite long, because your parents went on their separated ways for some time, you didn't develop when there was no contact between them, so yes I think that was what happened."

"So if there's no energy exchanged due to no contact, it didn't develop..." Does that mean Jaehyun have to avoid Taeyong? Does he have to leave him, to save him? His heart drops, he feels unwell and fear squirming in his gut.

"Did something happened, Jaehyun? Why do you want to know this?"

"You mentioned the process was varied, how was the other creation you witnessed?" He couldn't answer what the nephilim asked him.

Hyukjae stare at him closely, before he's sighing, "the other one was involving a human. The human was a female, perhaps why the child then took the shape of flesh and bones like her, it started the same with their energies, but then it became a real baby, like a human baby."

The more he ask, the more questions did come up rather than answered, "how...?"

"It took pieces of her, the human parent's body and change it into its own. She was wasting away the more they were in contact, the more the baby grew. When the baby came to be, she died and I had to claw the baby out from her body."

It was horror which drenches Jaehyun, like thick blankets full of needles and draw out his blood. Terrifying how the images fill his mind unforgivingly like revenge, "does it only ever kill the human parent?"

Hyukjae's eyes look calculating, as if he's connecting the dots yet still unsure, "I don't know, Jaehyun. That was the only time I ever encountered something like that, as you know it yourself that bond between incubus was rare enough, what's more the existence of the seal of creation. For the seal to manifest there must be at least one side of the pair to want something more from the bond, which was why the bond created the seal."

Jaehyun couldn't remember if he ever wanted a child with Taeyong, he didn't think he did. There were times when he thinks of how good it is to be a real family with Taeyong, a family like humans did, but he never thinks explicitly for it to be with a child. But could he want it, subconsciously? Or was it Taeyong who did? After all, he's a human, a lonely one who wished to have a normal family, could he have wished for it with Jaehyun? Was it why?

"Then do you know how to stop it? To nullify the seal?"

"Jaehyun, to be honest I'm getting concerned with these questions, what is it you really want to ask me?" Hyukjae asked worriedly.

He put his hand on the table, palm up, "you can read mind, can't you? Can you see it then?"

Warily, with a moment of hesitation, Hyukjae grab his hand. Then, his eyes slightly grow wide, and stare at him with disbelief, "Taeyong?"

"Is that seal really what it is?" Even in this moment against all odds, Jaehyun still hope he was wrong, that it was something else.

Alas, Hyukjae nodded with a bite to his lip, fear joining them like unwanted guest, "yes, that is the seal of creation."

He feels like dropping everything and run, anywhere without aim, he just want to run and run without having to face reality. Because this was not the reality he ever wished for with Taeyong, not one like this with death looming and tears on their path. Was he too greedy to want Taeyong and stay beside him when they're not meant to be? Creatures of different worlds, something is bound to get wrong, but he was too greedy, wasn't he? Why must he fall in love with Taeyong and jeopardize everything? If he hadn't, they could still stay together without shit like this happening.

"You said it happens because of a subconscious wish, then if we're consciously against it, do you think it'll stop? Won't the seal disappear then?"

Hyukjae fiddling with his fingers out of nervousness, and it's not often for the nephilim to feel nervous, "i don't know, Jaehyun... It sounds plausible, but i don't have enough experience to answer to that, the one which i witnessed the human wanted it so..."

"I'm fucked," Jaehyun laughed, yet it feels more like a desperate cry, head hanging low and hands fisting his hair, "I don't care for a child if it's dangerous like this, I just want him... I just want to be with Taeyong for as long as I can. But this... I don't want it."

The other man didn't say anything and Jaehyun appreciate it, he didn't need nor can he handle a sympathetic peep talk, right now everything sounds like bullshit. But then Hyukjae tapping his finger on the table slowly, prompting him to look up, "if you're uncertain, it's better if you keep a distance with him for the time being, but don't let it go on too long because it won't be fair to him. You should talk and tell him the truth, let him have his decision too, it can't be only you who's trying to figure things out. Then, after that you can bring him to me for check up."

That sounds about right, but of course, easier said than done. Jaehyun can't even begin to think of how to bring it up to Taeyong, to tell all this and the risk of him dying. How can he? For now, he wants to be in his own thoughts, "can you do check up on a human?"

"I was once a military doctor and has been catching up with the latest studies, i know enough," he explained calmly, despite how concerning it was, not once did he lose his steady demeanor, "think carefully and don't do things in panic or you'll regret it, take a breather and time into a state of calmness, then you can make decisions with a clear head."

"Have you ever lose your cool? I'm getting pissed off looking at your face."

Hyukjae chuckled, "of course I am, I just didn't show it. Creatures like us are bound to separation, even I was in your position once. But... in his dying moments, he was the one who asked me to keep him beside me, in whatever form, and I did."

What emotion did that story evoked in Jaehyun, one which makes him hate this nephilim less? "Your decision then, did you ever regret it?"

He smiled quite sadly, "I did, many times did I regret it, because I took him away from nature and brought him into the darkness. But at the same time, I'm happy that he has been with me until now."

Then can Jaehyun make a choice which both of them won't regret? One which will allow them to be happy? Together? Their time is already limited, yet fate seems to tell them that their time is far shorter than he previously thought. After all everything, can they survive this one?


	2. Petal 2: Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We promised to talk so we can avoid misunderstanding, didn't we?"
> 
> "I know."

He's been having headache lately, Taeyong pressed three fingers on his temples, thinking it might be due to eye strain since he's been staring at his computer screen for too long. It goes away when he took aspirin, then it'll come back again, the pain wasn't much still it bothers him. Even if it was eye strain, usually he would feel better after a good night's sleep, but this has been going on for days and he starts wondering if something is wrong. Maybe he didn't eat enough, after all he's busy, at least Jaehyun keeping an eye on him to sleep enough.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Taeyong turned around to see Jaehyun coming out of the bathroom, looking at him with concern in his eyes, "why?"

"You've been touching your stomach."

He looks down, finding his palm pressed to his abdomen, "oh, I didn't even realize, just feel slightly bloated. Maybe I haven't been eating properly so I feel gassy-"

"Do you feel any pain?" Jaehyun walking closer to him, a bit hasty and Taeyong got a bit surprised.

"No, I don't, why...? Why are you looking like that?" The way Jaehyun coming closer to him, holding his arms and staring at him with that concerning look, made Taeyong falter a step back.

"Are you feeling fine?"

A frown grows on Taeyong's face, taken aback by the sudden questionable reaction, "I'm fine? Why?"

"Are you sure? Why did you answer me with a question? You're not feeling fine, are you?"

"No, I-" he gapes, eyes searching the look in Jaehyun's eyes, alarmed, "I just have a little headache, but what's this about? You came home late today and suddenly you're being like this, did something happen?"

Jaehyun too, searching Taeyong's eyes if he was lying about his condition, but he seems alright. Still, alright. He sighed deeply, pulling Taeyong into an embrace and hold his head to his neck, "it's nothing, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Uh, okay..." Taeyong hugs him back, arms around Jaehyun's torso, "why would you think I wasn't okay though? It's almost three years we're together, I think this is the first time you ask me that without reason."

"What? No, didn't I ask if you're alright sometimes?"

"Yeah, but when I was feeling anxious or about to have a panic attack since you can feel it through the bond... Not like this when I'm feeling okay, and I haven't had any attacks for long now."

"That's true... You've been fine for a long time now, I'm glad," normally, relief will fill his heart at the knowledge, but this time Jaehyun couldn't erase the unease and worry within and it comes brimming out even to his voice as he said it. He couldn't help but to tighten his embrace, sinking Taeyong's body deeper into his flesh and heat encapsulates them into false pretenses of safety. And obviously, Taeyong feels it, he pulls away slowly to see Jaehyun's expression.

"What's wrong? Is it really about me, or did something happen to you?"

"It's nothing, don't worry-"

"Jaehyun," Taeyong reprimanded, "didn't we promised to talk if something bothering us? Even before the bond happened, which can only give us a sense of something is off, we promised to talk so we can avoid misunderstanding, didn't we?"

Jaehyun sighed, pulling Taeyong into an embrace again, even though this time the shorter man resist a bit, knowing he still wouldn't tell him what's wrong, "I know, but right now I can't say it, yet."

"We decided we didn't have to tell exactly what's bothering us if we're not ready to tell, but at least you have to tell me if something did happen and it bothers you... That way I can ask what do you need and I can help you in ways you wanted me to."

"Please Taeyong, I know, so just... Please," he tries again to pull at Taeyong and this time the man didn't resist and let himself to be embraced, their hearts aching with questions, "yes, something is bothering me and I can't say what it is right now, but I will tell you, I promise I will. For now... For now I just want to make sure you're okay."

The embrace is too tight, too strong and it did nothing to ease Taeyong's worry. Even with him hugging Jaehyun, which usually makes him calm and safe, this time it only makes him anxious, "you're scaring me, Jaehyun."

The arms around him tighten even more to the point it's getting harder for Taeyong to breathe, but he didn't say anything, because he thought Jaehyun needed it. Then he hears Jaehyun whispering to his head, voice full of regrets and pain, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry Taeyong."

Those words, Taeyong wonders if it was addressed to the present or was it about something else which Taeyong is afraid to know. For the first time after a long time, he feels scared in Jaehyun's arms.

***

It's strange, the way Jaehyun has been behaving, feels like he's avoiding Taeyong, yet not really since the man keeping an eye on him too. It's odd, he can't shake off the feeling even after he asked the incubus about it and was answered that it was only his imagination. Taeyong knows it's not, not when Jaehyun haven't been touching him intimately, when he try to come up with many excuses as to why he can't have sex with him and the bed beside him stay cold until the morning. Why though? Why there's fear in his purplish eyes? This is Jaehyun, whatever reason which made him behave like that, couldn't be because he grown tired of Taeyong, right? Beside he sees not only fear and worry in his eyes, there's still love in it. So what causes this distance between them? Taeyong wants to trust him, but it's hard to do when Jaehyun didn't tell him anything.

He couldn't really pay a mind to it, unfortunately, Taeyong had his own share of worries and distractions. He's been feeling out of it, lethargic and sore all over, unable to concentrate and his headache, oh his headache wants to kill him. At least Jaehyun perceptive enough and quick to give him water, food or other things which comfort Taeyong a bit whenever he's feeling it harder than usual. Sometimes he wished Jaehyun would be there when he open his eyes with a pounding headache, to smile at him or cuddle him, but he only finds painkiller and a glass of water on the nightstand. That hurts a bit, but Taeyong couldn't really think either, he just wants the pain to stop, it was that painful.

The headache last for at least a couple of weeks, until Taeyong can ignore it, but it was in exchange of his body feeling even more lethargic. One day, he fainted in the office, he kind of felt it coming, he tried to strengthen his legs, forced himself to stay awake, but the next he felt his body falling with no care whether he'll get hurt. Thankfully, someone was fast enough to catch his fall and his last thought before his consciousness fading for good was calling out, ' _Jaehyun_.'

It was Wonho who caught his fall, it was his and Hyungwon's face which he sees when he open his eyes, looking around at his surroundings, the worried looks, soft turquoise curtain, bright light on the ceiling and the IV stand with the end of the tube in his right arm. He realized, _ah he's in a hospital_. And there's still no Jaehyun, hurts, it hurts more than the pain all over his body. He told the doctor what's been bothering him and they suggested for a full body check up, Taeyong did. When the papers reached the doctor's hands and informing him what's happening with his body, Taeyong wished it wasn't Wonho and Hyungwon who was with him. He really needs Jaehyun to be there to catch his fall. Where did he go? _Didn't he say he love him and will stay by his side forever?_

It didn't help that he came home into the darkness, feeling even lonelier than ever, to know how good it feels to come home with someone waiting for him, to be welcomed by a warm smile instead of the coldness of his home. He stood there by the door, closed behind him, back supported by the stiff wood rather than comforting arms, eyes glazed with the denied tears and aching chest. He feels like crying, but he didn't want to, still searching for that someone to share the lonesome pain. For comfort? Or was it petty hope to see the same pain and guilt in the person's eyes? Taeyong thinks it's both, he wants to see whether Jaehyun care, to see him hurt just like himself. Why isn't he here, when he needs him the most? After everything they went through together?

The lights suddenly turned on, Taeyong look up to see the person he's been wanting to see standing before him, a hand on the wall and face looking at him with hidden questions. He's looking back to Jaehyun like he's in a trance, consciousness hanging high like clouds as he opens his mouth, as if he's standing in nightmare instead of reality. Then the words just rushed out without bind.

"I have a tumor."

Jaehyun didn't say anything, still standing there in silence, there's a scream inside Taeyong. The room so quiet, but their bond is trembling as screams from two ends being denied to take form in the air between them. _Say something Jaehyun, why are you standing there with a look as if you're being murdered, without surprise in your eyes?_

"It's in my peritoneum, it's solid like a benign, but they said it's more likely not considering the location..." Taeyong continues, voice leveled despite the screeching scream within, tears welling up and teeth gritted. Move, Jaehyun, say something, "they suggested a biopsy, but i... I'm not sure, I'm scared..."

Still silence, no movement, just dark eyes on him. In the silence Taeyong couldn't hold in his tears anymore, does it hurt more when he heard what the doctor told him, or is it Jaehyun's silence? "I might have a cancer."

Head lowered, dark hair hiding the man's face from Taeyong's unbelieving, wide eyes, anger spikes up, "say something! Why are you not saying anything?! Do you not care?!" His silence gives birth something Taeyong wished is wrong, _because it seems as if the man-_

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Taeyong."

- _Knows_.

Taeyong can't feel anything, not the floor under his feet, not the cold air in the room, the thick tension, nothing but the devil crawling on his skin, "you... Know...?"

Jaehyun fall onto his knees, burying his face in his hands, crying silently by himself when Taeyong feels himself crumbling apart, the distance sinking knives into his heart, "I tried to stop it, I tried... I tried to fix it before you know, but I... I can't, I'm so sorry that I can't do anything."

Betrayal singing in Taeyong's ears, ripping apart his soul, "you knew, yet you left me by myself...? In pain alone, without your comfort? How could you-"

"I make it worse, Taeyong, bring near you make it worse. I've been trying to erase it before you found out so I could go back to you, like nothing happened. But oh... I'm such a fool, I couldn't figure it out."

Taeyong doesn't understand anything, whatever Jaehyun was saying makes no sense and only trapping him even more in a maze with no way out, "isn't that so selfish of you, to leave me in the dark about my condition? Letting me know in this way? What the- what the fuck are you saying-?"

"It's not a cancer," Jaehyun whispered, hands on the floor as if he's prostrating before Taeyong, lights reflected on the drops of tears the only telling he's crying, "it's me, Taeyong, I caused this..."

"... What? I don't understand, what are you saying?"

"You are with my child, Taeyong."

A void swirling in the space, rippling disbelief echoes and the scream in Taeyong's head stops, "what?"

"It's not a tumor, it's a mass, a growing flesh of my child, our child," Jaehyun said with so much guilt, like the greatest sin he has ever done, crying into his hands without sound.

Everything is spinning, Taeyong feels detached with reality, feels like a nonsensical dream that a humorless laugh spilling out from his mouth, "you think this is the time to joke around, Jaehyun? Even if you are, you could've come up with something better than that stupid joke. I'm fucking dying, Jaehyun! _I'm dying!_ Can't you understand that?!"

"And I'm the one who's killing you! I did this to you! To us! It's me! I wish I was joking Taeyong, nothing I wished more than all of this to be a stupid joke, but I'm not! _You are dying and it's because of me!_ " Jaehyun screamed, from his face down to his neck drenched in tears, he looks beyond terrified. The look on his face brings a mortifying shudder on Taeyong's entire body. He hadn't only seen Taeyong standing before him, he's seeing his death in front of him.

The breath Taeyong takes racking his ribcage, thousands fist banging on the wall, scratching open his heart. Far more than the fear blooming, he still can't believe what he heard, "that's impossible, that's bullshit, I'm a man and you are-"

The next word lost somewhere in his throat, because something akin to realization taking place and Jaehyun staring at him with an anguished, torn smile, "you forgot I'm not just a man, did you?"

Taeyong brought a hand to cover his mouth, it's spiraling down with no control, something shattering in his mind, "no... I'm still a man... I... How?"

"The bond... It connects our energy, when we..." Jaehyun shook his head, desperation comes in waves, "my real form is an energy, I have no physical form, so when we got close, apart of me stays with you through the bond. Somehow, subconsciously between the two of us wanted something more and it... It caused the bond to grow inside you, and..."

The words replaying in Taeyong's head, over and over again trying to make sense of it. A child, within him, how could it be? But Jaehyun wasn't a human, then it enables it to happen? Taeyong loves children, but he didn't think he ever wanted his own, his past caused him to be terrified of it, afraid to do what his parents did to him. He never felt he could be a good father. But didn't he, sometimes in the tranquility of what their relationship offered, imagined that maybe with Jaehyun, the idea of having a child wasn't so scary? That with that man he thinks it could work out? It was only a lulling idea into sleep in Jaehyun's arms at night, an idea he never really thinks would happen in reality. Did it manifest from their bond? _How cruel_.

So the mass inside him which the doctor found was... Their child? How did that work when his male body doesn't have what it takes to grow a baby? In the cavity of his abdomen? Taeyong feels nauseous, it's beginning to feel more and more like a nightmare. Doesn't this feel more like a parasite growing inside him in a place it shouldn't be? Somehow he reminded of something he watched on tv, about a zombie snail being the host of a parasitic insect which eating it alive from the inside and will kills it when the insect born. Is this like that? Is that why Jaehyun keeping saying about him dying?

"Why... Am I dying?" He whispered the question, deep down afraid to hear the answer.

And Jaehyun looks so exhausted, as if he had burned everything to ashes, despair embracing his entire being, "if the child was more like me, it would be a creature of energy which takes no space and grow only from the parents' energies. But this... Our child is more like you, Taeyong, I..." Perhaps this is the first time he ever hates and regrets the fact that Taeyong is human. If only he wasn't, nothing could go so wrong.

"He's more human? Then... Why?"

"He took physical body, of flesh and bones and blood. Where do you think all that comes from, if it originally just an accumulation of our energies?"

Taeyong gets it, fearfully, he understood it, the voice which escapes his mouth was nothing less than horror taking shape in reality, "my body..."

Jaehyun cries more, hiding again in his hands as if it could save him from the cruel fate, "it takes from your body... Tear apart your tissues to make its own, how much do you think it'll take from you, if you're already in a bad state when it's still nothing more than a tiny lump of flesh? It will... Kills you Taeyong, you're dying and it's because of me. Me, I did this to us."

A little bigger than five cm, the doctor said, it's still small and he said they could get rid of it with higher chance of resolve should they operate it soon since the tumor doesn't seem to metastasis. Taeyong remembers it word by word, still so small yet he's already feeling so terrible, pain all over his body, a constant headache which renders him useless and a lethargy enough to cause him to fall unconscious, putting him even more at risk. How much worse it could be, if he let it grow inside him? He shivered at the knowledge. _Death_.

"Let's get it out," he found himself saying before his head could really catch up with the true meaning of it, "the doctor said they could get it out safely since it's solid, so there's little side effects-"

"It doesn't work like that, Taeyong," Jaehyun answered with a deep, long sigh, "the growing of its flesh is secondary to the energy which already manifested in you. Even if we get it out, it'll be just the flesh, not the energy and it'll try to create itself again. Which will be a repeat and harder on your body which already torn apart by it."

Taeyong lose all sense of the world, knees weaken and he's sliding down to the floor, didn't even notice the way Jaehyun crawling to him and hugging him tightly with his tears seeping into his clothes. Are they talking about a baby? _Their baby?_ Because the way their conversation goes, the way they're on the floor in a desperate, full of despair embrace, feels like they're talking about a monster inside Taeyong. Why suddenly his life seems so bleak, when it should be a joyous news to have a child with the one you love? Because not everyone wants that kind of life, not everyone ready, they are not ready, and it's more than just having a child in their case. It's more about both of them dying, because when Taeyong dies, Jaehyun would follow due to the bond they shared. But it's not them dying which terrifies Jaehyun, Taeyong knows that much, the man doesn't want to watch him die, to cut short their life which supposed to last longer if any of this didn't happen. And Taeyong can't decide on what to do solely on his wish, or what he thinks is right, because whatever decisions it will be, it'll cost Jaehyun too.

"I'm sorry Taeyong, I'm sorry," the man cried and Taeyong couldn't think of anything. They just stay there with a numbing hopelessness of being lost. The space which encasing them feels too tight, too crowded with thoughts for them to breathe. Everything feels like a lie and they can only feed on it, until they wake up in the reality that they can't change anything.

Anything at all.

What good is it thinking, when his mind is jumbled up with nonsense? Onslaughts of never ending trains coming from every corner, so loud yet he can't understand anything. And the project they have to work on really leave no space to think of anything else. Then why is he even trying to think about it? Why not he chooses what he wants? Come again another question, what does he really want? Taeyong doesn't know. Even with Jaehyun still keeping his distance and trying to avoid him whenever he could, doesn't help to know what he wants. Of course he wants to be with Jaehyun, that one is unshakeable, but it's more than that, isn't it?

So, when he could no longer think and done a fair amount of his job, he asked Jaehyun to take a few days off with him. The other man didn't ask why, they both know they need time together to figure it out and thankfully, they were given those days. A part of him is aware that they could take days off at that hectic moment only thanks to Donghae, so he concluded that Jaehyun told the man about them.

' _Where do you want to go?'_ Jaehyun asked and he was so quiet that Taeyong feel sorry he had to be so lost by his own for that long. He looked so defeated and drained, more than Taeyong is.

' _Let's drive to Pohang-si.'_

They prepare in silence, Taeyong cooks to bring food with them and Jaehyun filling in their bags for an overnight trip, the only time they shared a word was Taeyong telling him that they might go for two nights instead, and Jaehyun only responded by getting extra clothes. The tension between them wasn't vile, it's just there, accompanying the words they couldn't find with guilt showing its face. Then they load their luggages into the car and drive away. Big road, many cars and rows of trees, buildings they passed, still only the noises from the radio hanging in the car.

After three hours of driving, Taeyong told Jaehyun to stop at a rest area to have lunch and stretch out their limbs, especially the human needed that. Taeyong noticed that only by staying close with the incubus makes him tired and it's not a psychological effect, but rather that something which growing inside him. They didn't even talk, yet it translates their proximity as a way to proceed the creation. He's been feeling better when there was distance, a bothering knowledge, he didn't want any distance with his Jaehyun. Taeyong took out the foods he brought and laid it on the dashboard and their laps.

"Jaehyun, let's pretend for now that nothing is happening and we're alright, can you do that? Can we enjoy this time together like we always did before?"

Whenever they find free time, they would do outings like this, picnicking somewhere or just go on a drive to be together with no one could bother them. It's part of their way to spend their limited time properly, to ease any longing there are and to heal whatever ailing their minds. That's why Taeyong choose this trip before he made his big decision which currently still abstract, and Jaehyun finally understood.

So he smiled to Taeyong, not yet ready to reach out a hand to touch him, but at least he choose not to worry too much right now, "okay."

They still eat in silence, no matter how good at pretending they might be, it won't erase the looming questions. But at least, they no longer avoid eyes and when their eyes meet, they'll smile. Awkward, but better than not at all. After they're done with their lunch, they put away the containers and get out of the car for a walk, looking around since this was a rest area they haven't visited yet. There are little shops, skimming through the items and occasionally something caught their eyes and they buy it either for themselves or as souvenirs for their friends. It was Taeyong who reach out his hand first to hold hands.

"We can, can't we?"

"But the..." Jaehyun worries.

"It's still happening with us holding hands or not, so why not?"

With a sheepish smile, Jaehyun took his hand and they continue to stroll around. Even with Taeyong growing tired, he missed this, it makes him happy to be like this with Jaehyun and he decided nothing can stop them from being so. He didn't even care of the eyes they drew to their joined hands, what does it matter if they're happy? And that should be the same answer for the question they're asking themselves. As long as they are happy.

They continue their drive until they reached Pohang-si almost two hours later, going straight to the hotel since Taeyong getting too tired and sleepy. Jaehyun told him to wait in the car as he's getting their room ready, bringing the luggages with him and left Taeyong half asleep alone. It felt like a minute when he came back and Taeyong blinking away his sleepiness, looking to Jaehyun smiling to him. ' _Let's get you to the room,_ ' he said.

Sluggish on his steps, there's a hand on his lower back and Jaehyun keep an eye on him if he would fall down. They reached their room safely and Taeyong right away plopping down on the bed, uncaring he's still in his outside clothes, a sign which tell Jaehyun how tired he is. Slowly he takes Taeyong's shoes off his slender feet, undressing him gently to not rouse him too much and put on him comfortable clothes instead. He stayed there for a while to make sure Taeyong sleeping properly with a blanket over him, massaging his calves and kissed his cheek before he went out to keep distance again.

When Taeyong comes to, it's already dark outside and no Jaehyun in the room. He pulls out his phone and text him, asking where is he. The incubus replied that he's outside and about to buy dinner for them, asking what Taeyong want to eat. Instead, the human said that they should have dinner out together, that way they could take a look around the place too. So he wear his shoes and go down the lobby to meet up with Jaehyun. When Taeyong sees him standing there, dressed all black, his feet falter and breath caught in his throat, truly enamored. He knows how handsome the man was, everything about him are stunning, but at that moment time seems to slow down, beat by beat sight in extreme details of his beauty and all his attention solely on Jaehyun's existence and the realization that, _he looks so perfect and he is mine._

His heart playing a loud symphony, high trembles and drumming in his chest. And when Jaehyun saw him, walking to him, Taeyong feel the way his soul elevated into breathtaking awe. It was pure reflex when he lets out, "wow."

"Wow? What?" Jaehyun asked when he's standing right in front of him, "are you okay? You looked kinda off."

"I was put into reminder of how handsome you are, you just stand there looking all cool like a model and I was lost of words."

Jaehyun blinked in surprise, then he blushed with a cough, "that was unexpected, coming from you... I feel sort of embarrassed now."

"You knew you were though..." He said still breathlessly.

"Come on, stop that, let's go get dinner."

"Are you shy? You?" Taeyong laughed, feels like this is the first time he see Jaehyun that flustered, "if I know you'll react like this when I compliment you, I would do it sooner."

"Hush, come on," he usher the human to start walking by pushing his back, but Taeyong hooking his arm on his elbow instead.

"Alright, let's tease you some other time," he chuckles.

The incubus grumbles a bit, even though it's obvious how pleased he is from the sudden compliment. They walk like that hand in hand, searching through the little restaurants, relaxing because the street rather empty of people. They decided to eat something more local and sitting face to face. Like before when they have nothing to say and their eyes laid on each other, laughter bubbling out without reasons, even only their presence feels joyous and precious.

"You need to eat more protein," Jaehyun put a meat on the other man's spoon, earning a wide grin.

"I will, from now on I will eat more protein," Taeyong answered, the implication clear and the incubus noticed it, what decision the human is more inclined to make.

"Taeyong-"

"Not now, Jaehyun, we promise that today we only gonna enjoy our time," he grins light-hearted, trying to ease the worry which taking place on Jaehyun's face. Resigned, the taller man reciprocates the smile and continue eating.

That night they try to sleep in peace despite the noises in their head, staring wide awake at the hotel ceiling, hands over their full stomach and shoulder inches apart. Until Taeyong scooting closer and rest his head on Jaehyun's chest, an arm embracing him and a long sigh pouring into the dark in the room. Still awake to feel the resonance of their existences, Jaehyun slipping in his arm under Taeyong's neck and hold him, closing his eyes trying to find slumber.

"Tomorrow, let's go to Homigot before the sun out," the human whispered, kissing his neck before cuddling more to finally fall asleep.

Jaehyun know what Taeyong want to see there, he replied with a voice quieter than a whisper to a fading consciousness, "okay."

They woke up when the alarm going off, felt like they only slept in a blink, then get ready in the serenity only the moment before dawn could deliver. The drive was as quiet, not even the radio was turned on and eyes solely on the road, hearts calm like still water. They parked the car and walk along the beach, yet to see anything but the darkness and the sounds of the waves accompanying. Taeyong reach out blindly to find Jaehyun's hand and hold it, enjoying the cold sea water washing over their feet as they continue walking. Color seems to bloom over the horizon, of warm colors no other scenery could recreate, when Taeyong sees a big silhouette on the beach, he stops and Jaehyun follows. There, he wiggles his toes, digging his feet into the wet sand and take a long breath as the water reached a little past his ankles.

Slowly and gradually in the passing seconds, more color blooming yellowish white, the sky clear with no cloud and the big silhouette take a more definitive form. A hand coming out of the sand and the waves, fingers slightly bent as if it's about to hold something and then, the sun rose and white spreading even more. There no word exist to describe the moment, so beautiful and inspiring, overwhelming in so much gentleness and whispers of answers only those who witness could hear in their hearts. The sculpt of the hand looks so earth bound, motherly and almost a religious touch, how it picture the sun in its hold and the panorama embracing lost souls. It feels more powerful to Taeyong, for his seeking heart bleeds in the momentary bliss which the nature offers, a lone tears escaped his eyes and he wipes it away with a lighter heart.

"Jaehyun, I've made my decision," Taeyong said without his eyes ever leaving the beautiful scene revealing before him, the soft light of sunrise filling in every contour of his ethereal beauty.

He wants to touch, but he let the moment to unfold, "what was it?"

"I want a family with you, I wanted that."

"Taeyong-"

He shushes him gentry, finally looking back to him with a wide smile so much more beautiful it makes Jaehyun's chest hurt, "I never really think of wanting a child before, you know how my childhood was and it scares me to have one of my own, if I would do something similar to them."

"You wouldn't, Taeyong you have the kindest soul than anyone ever have, you wouldn't do anything what your parents did to you to anyone," Jaehyun rebuked, but then there's a finger on his lips asking him to let the other man speak.

"You might think so and I wouldn't want that either, but we never really know for sure, would we? At least I wasn't. But in these past days with you, imagining how would it be to have a child with you, I realized, I wanted that, only with you. And I know you would help me if I ever get lost on the way, I trust you."

Jaehyun feels choked, he did see this coming but he has hoped that Taeyong wouldn't, knowing what's better, safer for him. And yet he still want that even though his life is on the line? "We can still stop it, since this happened due to our subconscious wish, doesn't that mean we can stop it if we reject the idea consciously? Not like this, please, say you don't want it, we can still be a family in different ways, ways which won't put you in harm."

"But that would be a lie," Taeyong smiled, holding Jaehyun's face preciously, feels like touches full of tears and he wipe it away even though there was none, that the man would not let him feel sadness despite how bleak does it seem. "This will be our only chance to have a child that is truly ours, doesn't it? Part of me and part of you, there's no other way than this. At first it felt like a nightmare, but now that I understand better what I wanted, I feel that this chance is a blessing in disguise. After all, what other kind of miracle could happen if it's not this?"

"How is it a miracle if you're in danger, Taeyong? You're not thinking this through," he feels like crying, because the light which shines in Taeyong's eyes tells him that the man won't change his mind.

"Just a different perspective. We can plan it so I won't be in danger, you told Donghae about this right? Maybe he knows something-"

"I didn't tell him, I only told Hyukjae because I was desperate and lost..."

That caught Taeyong by surprise, sure he's aware that Jaehyun trying to let go of his past, but it's obvious that he's still averse to Hyukjae and wouldn't be in the same space as him if he could help it. So to know he had sought him, alone, to save him, greatly touched him, "you love me so much, don't you."

Jaehyun stared at him as if he's being stupid, "of course I am, do you think I'll be out of my mind like this if I didn't?"

"I know, I do, it's just... That one information really makes it feel so real and... Overwhelming, to know you love me so much that you were willing to go that far."

"Taeyong, I would do anything for you and I'm not just saying it, I will, that's how much I-"

"Then let me have this," Taeyong interject, "let me have this family with you, Jaehyun."

"Taeyong... I would do anything, but not ones which may take you away from me, not something which harms you. You can't force this on me, you... Please, Taeyong. We promised to stay together for as long as we can be, but this... Might cut our short time even shorter," he said with so much plea.

"Human lifetime isn't that short, Jaehyun. It might feel so since you had lived far longer, but it's still a long time until I grow old and wither away. And I promise you we can allow that to happen."

"How? I might lose you, you can't do this to me..."

He holds Jaehyun's face with both hands, connecting their foreheads to share the warmth in his heart into the bond, "if the growth needed us to be close and with it takes from my body, then let us keep a distance at the days I need to recover, that way I won't be too drained, would I? That can work, right?"

Jaehyun grabs on his wrists, pulling him closer, "how can we know how long does it take for you to recover? It'll still take you away from me, more time wasted and less to be together in this limited lifetime."

"But it'll only be temporary, you will have me for much longer after that, won't you? The hard part only this stage right? After they're born, we'll be alright, I want to experience many things with you, having our family included. If you're not convinced enough, we can have Hyukjae to check on me, I'm sure for a guy who has lived that long know something which can help us."

"Do you know how selfish did you sound?" By this time Jaehyun is about to cry, but Taeyong didn't let the fear to take root.

"I'm stronger than I look, you know, I didn't reach this point with nothing," he smiled and Jaehyun can't really respond to that, because it's true. Sitting beside him is the man stronger than the torturous world.

"In this moment, I hate that you are right," he said instead, causing Taeyong to chuckle.

"I didn't have a warm family, I have no memories of ever being in one, I don't even know what is it. But maybe, deep down I thought, I want to have that with you, even though it terrifies me. But I must've trust you, that I could have that with you, don't you think that's wonderful? That's big, for me."

Jaehyun made a sad face, bending forward to hide his face, "after you say that, I can't say no, can I?"

Taeyong is leaning down with a smile, to be closer again, pulling their heads to touch, "you're not supposed to say no."

He sighed deeply, rounding his arm over Taeyong, "it's still risky, who's to say the time we're away enough for you to recover as much as it drains you? What if you are declining more steadily than you are healing?"

"When we get there, we will think about it, I know we will get through this, both of us, safely," Taeyong savor the breeze of the beach with closed eyes, and Jaehyun too, closes his eyes to hear the calming waves.

"If you trust me that much, then I must trust you too."

"Thank you... Jaehyun."

"If you thank me for this, it'll feel wrong. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, and for... Avoiding you when you need me."

"That hurts, i won't lie about it. You know that i have abandonment issue and yet, you did."

"I didn't abandon you!"

"I know, now i know you did that to keep me safe," Taeyong kissed him softly, thumbing the corner of his lips, "don't do that without telling me why ever again."

"I'm sorry, i won't... What can i do to make it up to you?" Jaehyun whispered, holding his waist full of yearning.

"For now, stay beside me Jaehyun."

They shared a beautiful, warm smile, "always."


	3. Petal 3: Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jaehyun, you know with what happened with me, there's only one other person who can make me feel safe that's not you. I think I can talk about this with him."
> 
> The incubus lifted an eyebrow in question, "who?"

"So, how are we going to do this?" Jaehyun asked as soon as they reached home, in the middle of unpacking their luggage from their trip.

Taeyong look away from the calendar, prioritizing Jaehyun over his need to see the date to prepare for tomorrow, "do what?"

"The distance, Taeyong, we need to be separated for some days to let you heal, right? We can't stick together living in the same place for that to happen, even though I'm not touching you the exchange of energy still happens, so we need to live separately periodically."

"Oh that's, right. So, we can't live together, huh..." That feels disappointing and he feels sad already at the thoughts of being away from Jaehyun. It's not so simple for him, separation with Jaehyun feels jarring for him, it's like missing a big piece of himself. He'd grow independently after being with Jaehyun, but it's not like he came to be able to be independent without the incubus, who was basically his savior, his voice of reasons, the unbending force which accompanying him in the harsh world. It makes him worry if he can live away from the man, from his rock, what if he relapse worse due to the separation? Even before Jaehyun, it wasn't like he was truly independent, there was always Doyoung taking care of him and that knowledge somewhat brought confidence to live. But he shakes away those fears, no, he can do this, he has to, for himself and Jaehyun. He's not the same man from years ago, he's stronger now.

"How long should we keep a distance in between? Every three days? Is that enough? Or should we stay away from each other for a week?" Jaehyun keep rambling in thoughts not noticing the unease in their bond from Taeyong.

"Wow, you seem eager to be away from me," he joked, only to make Jaehyun glares at him.

"Taeyong, I'm talking about this seriously, you're not taking this seriously!"

"What the hell? Of course I'm taking this seriously, for your information it's me who's at risk of dying, not you."

"Then it's not the time to joke! I don't want to do this either, but we have to!"

"God, I almost forget how annoying you can be," Taeyong rolled his eyes, "I know this is a serious matter and I don't want to die either, but you need to unclench your tight ass or we'll be burnout before it even starts."

Jaehyun squinted his eyes, "I don't have a tight ass, I'm unclenched."

"It was tight the last time I visited it," he snorted and it's such a rare occasion to cause Jaehyun to blush a bit.

"You must know that you're the only one I allowed to do that."

"I'm well aware because you never failed to mention it, but let's go back to the serious topic, why are we even talking about this?" He snickers.

"You started it..." Jaehyun grumbles.

"You know, somehow I find it sweet that you only care about my well being when you would also die if I died."

He blinks, staring at Taeyong in surprise, "that's right, I would also die, wouldn't I. I forgot."

Taeyong smiled, holding the man's face dearly, "you really care about me in a way you don't care about yourself, do you? It's sweet, but at the same time it makes me sad, I want you to be fine too."

"Then let's do our hardest, if you're fine then I'll be fine too, otherwise our kid would be without their parents and that's just sad, isn't it?" Jaehyun holds the hand on his cheek, coiling his other arm over the shorter man's waist.

"Honestly, do you want us to have a child? If you have to choose without taking account of my own wish, do you?"

He didn't say anything for a while, gazing into Taeyong's eyes, thinking, "I do, I think, I want to try and have as many things we can experience in our short life. Although if I could choose, I don't want to have them in this way, there are other ways to have them without putting you at risk."

"Like, how?" Taeyong grins, coming closer that their faces only an inch away.

"Like adoption, or have a surrogate."

"Can you have a child with a human? I mean, biologically speaking?"

"No, well, I do ejaculate, but it's not like human's with sperm and all, so no. If we do surrogate then it'll have to be your child."

Taeyong hummed, closing his eyes as he rests his forehead on Jaehyun's, "but I also want your child, that's why..."

With a bittersweet feeling, he also closes his eyes, hugging the smaller body, "I know... That's why we're doing this, aren't we?"

"I also want to experience many things with you, Jaehyun. That's why having a child of ours would be so fulfilling, isn't it?"

"I know... You don't need to convince me again, you already did," he said sadly.

"When you feel doubt, and I think we both might later, I want you to remember this wish of mine, okay?"

He can't really answer to that, so he instead replied, "if, there comes a time for me to choose between you and our child, I'm choosing you."

"Jaehyun..."

"No, you can't change my mind on this. We have other ways to have children, but being with you? There's only one way and you can't change my mind," he said firmly without room for argument.

Taeyong sighed, but there's a smile on his lips before he kissed Jaehyun softly, "alright, we will be careful so both of us can get what we wish for."

"So... Who will stay out when we need to get away? I think it should be me, maybe I'll stay at a motel or something."

"Every three days? That will cost us a fortune, we still need to spare money for our child, baby."

"Are you calling me baby, or were you addressing our baby?" Jaehyun smirked with taunt.

"For me, both of you are my babies," he chuckled, giggling when Jaehyun nudging his jaw with his nose, tickling him.

"Then maybe I can stay at a friend's...?"

Taeyong gasped in surprise, "you have a friend?"

"How dare you, I feel insulted," he groaned, only making Taeyong laugh.

"You do? Who are they? Someone close enough for you to stay over?"

He opens his mouth, but no name comes up and he feels like sulking, "just someone."

"There were none, wasn't it," Taeyong laughed louder, "oh Jaehyun, you're all bright and cheerful, but you don't really get close to others, do you?"

"Hey, I'm also friends with Changkyun and Hyungwon, okay? I also got Yuta! Sakura too!" Jaehyun huffed.

"But you don't think you're close enough with Changkyun, Hyungwon or Sakura to stay over, do you? And you don't know where Yuta is now," the human chuckles.

"I- fine, okay, I got no one I can ask to stay over," Jaehyun admitted with a pout.

"Aww, don't pout, it's okay," Taeyong giggles, kissing his cheeks adoringly, "let's just have me staying over instead, I'm more familiar with this world anyway, that's why I have more friends."

"But you're not going to stay over just once or twice, how would you explain it to them? They're going to be confused why you need to stay at their place every three days or a week."

"Why this feels somewhat like an expecting daughter contemplating if she feel safer staying with her mother or her mother in law?" He laughed, shifting his arms to hook over Jaehyun's neck instead. "Don't worry... I'll figure it out."

"You can't be thinking and deciding things by yourself, I have to get involved too," Jaehyun frowned in disagreement.

"Jaehyun, you know with what happened with me, there's only one other person who can make me feel safe that's not you. I think I can talk about this with him," Taeyong said softly, heart picking up a pace at the thought, but he knows it's the right chance to finally reconnect.

The incubus lifted an eyebrow in question, "who?"

***

Each emergency rooms are fully packed with people, it's always busy nightmare shift in the weekend as if people decided to get sick exactly on the day off, every staffs running about without exception and some senior nurses have it harder with the new kids on the floor. A certain male nurse has it bad training a new one who is clumsy and forgetful, "hey, why is the patient in bed twelve still here? I told you to move her to the room, we need more empty beds here!"

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!" The new nurse said nervously with guilt and panic in her eyes, "I'm still not used to the system here, but upstairs said I need to deliver these papers first before moving the patient-"

"I thought I told you to give those to Kim? She'll handle the papers and the moving, now be quick about it!" The male nurse said and got stopped by another nurse coming into the room.

"Hey Doyoung, we got another two coming, one got really bad crackles I can even hear it without stethoscope and the other dislocated his shoulder, got beds here?"

"God, there are no more beds here! Send the lung one to the other room, I'll get a chair for the dislocated."

"You gonna make the patient sit? That hurts as fuck you know."

"It's better than him standing, I'll get him bed as soon as she moves the patient in bed twelve," he turned to the new nurse, "get moving! Quick!"

"Yes!" She started running only to get reprimanded for doing so.

"Tough luck, her having you as a senior," the nurse chuckled, "I'll bring in the patient then, oh and if you got more tubes?"

"All tubes in this room are in use, search somewhere else, now stop talking," he grumbles.

"Why are you in a bad mood?"

"By some unfortunate events I got a 24 hour shift and the one should be here an hour ago still haven't shown up yet, why am I pissed?"

"Dude, but you will get a day off tomorrow right?"

"As if, I got another graveyard shift before I'm off."

The nurse whistled, "well, you'll be with me again that shift so I'll let you catch some nap, internal ward right?"

"Yeah, I'm with you? Gosh," Doyoung scratches his head, eyes a bit heavy but feel relieved when he sees the aforementioned patient got moved out and another bed is vacant.

"Jang rotates the shifts because geriatric ward needs more personnels, see you later." The nurse said, only to come back again a minute later with the patient with a dislocated shoulder, "Doy, can I put him on the bed? Also Lee came, she's in the locker room."

"Finally! Yeah, that bed is empty, give me the resume."

"She said there was a big accident, so she got stuck, probably why there are many incoming. Where's the doctor?"

Doyoung gather the tools for vital signs and took the resume off the other nurse's hand, "she's in another room, the resuscitation room is a nightmare right now, there are only residents helping on this floor. Have you checked his vital signs?" He flips through the papers, reading the patient's identity, and stops.

"The initial, but check again... Why you look like that?"

"Huh?" Doyoung looks up, face becoming pale.

"Someone you know?"

He looks down to read again, blinking as if he misread it, but no. He really knows that name, "I think so."

"Well, I'll leave it to you then, don't worry he'll be fine."

"Sure he is," Doyoung steadily walking to bed twelve, seeing two people there, a person he didn't recognize and another whom he's familiar with and regards him with shocked eyes as he sees him. "So, that was really you."

"Doyoung...?"

"Yeah, long time no see, Johnny," Doyoung sighed, turning to the other person, "excuse me, may the accompanying person wait in the waiting area?"

"Ah, he's not, sorry for the trouble and thank you for bringing me here," Johnny said to the other person, who smiled with a bow to them and left, "he's just someone who helped me get here."

"I see," Doyoung said while checking his blood pressure and heart beat. "How did you end up like this?"

"There's an accident streak on the big road nearby, I got caught in it."

"You got caught? Your vital signs still good despite the injury so I guess it really only dislocated shoulder, you good?"

"Yeah, I was walking and this bus crashed the pedestrian sidewalk, I got blown and landed on bad spot," he groaned, "I'm afraid to look at the state my arm is though, is it bad?"

"It looks terrible, but your face look worse, it must hurt. Actually, it's a surprise that you can still talk like this. The doctor will tend to you soon, but it's pretty hectic here so they'll prioritize the worse cases first, in the meantime I'll get what's prescribed for you from the front."

"Doy-" Johnny's words fades in the air as the nurse already walking away and leave him with his head spinning worth of pain, everything hurts and bullets of sweat keep rolling down his entire body. Before long, Doyoung came back with a bag of IV and a tray of items. "Is that needle? Do I really need to?" He sweats even more.

"It's standard procedure and it'll kick in sooner than oral, you got a big body you can handle a flimsy needle," Doyoung snorted.

"Body size got nothing to do with it, I-" his words got cut off again when another nurse coming in and greeted Doyoung.

"Man, I'm sorry I'm late! I'll take it from here, Doy."

"Read up the table, the new kid will tell you the situation."

"Got it, all prescription done?"

"Got some still waiting, the doctor is coming, check the resuscitation room first."

"Kim said that upstairs getting tight, have you checked in with the front?"

"Not yet, you do that, this is my last," Doyoung said just done with the IV and taking off his gloves, "Johnny, you'll be in her care now."

"No, no wait-!" The taller man groaned, pain exploding when he was trying to stop Doyoung from going, "wait, I need- I need to talk to you."

Doyoung doesn't want to, he looks between Johnny and the nurse only for her to smile at him, "take it easy, you're off the clock anyway."

When she left, the two was enveloped in awkward silence despite the loud noises surrounding them. Doyoung grow antsy, wanting to go, but Johnny grab on his wrist, knowing exactly what he's thinking, "wait, just a moment."

"Alright, start talking," he sighed.

"Have some mercy on me, I'm in pain," he grins painfully, "it's really been a while since we last met."

"Yeah, I guess," Doyoung doesn't want anything to do with Johnny so he didn't think it was long at all.

"Do you... Still have some sort of resentment towards me?"

"Isn't it mutual? I wrecked your face back then."

Johnny chuckled and hissed in pain, "God, no, I took it as my punishment so I don't resent you for that."

"Is that so..."

"I'm sorry Doyoung, for everything," he whispered, it caused an ache in Doyoung's chest.

"What for? We resolved the misunderstanding, it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, I thought so... But you're still hostile with me, so I figured I need to apologize."

The nurse bites his lower lip, "there's nothing you need to apologize. I should be the one... To apologize to you."

Johnny stares at him with a smile, the pain is still there alright subsiding a little, but more so the relief in his heart, "I'll take it, it's no one fault, but if that makes you less unfriendly to me, I'll take it."

"Right... So, is that it? Can I go now?"

Anyone else would get offended by Doyoung's curt reaction, but Johnny knows that man being like that out of guilt and shame, so he says nothing and didn't take it to his heart. "The last time we were in contact was about Taeyong, after that you never reply to me again."

Doyoung didn't respond, looking down to the floor at the corner of the room, yet noticeably paying attention to what he's saying. So Johnny tries again with the only connecting topic they have, "how's Taeyong?"

"We're not in touch."

That's surprising for Johnny, "what? Why?"

"Just because," he shrugged.

"He keeps asking me about you though, not like I can answer him."

Doyoung's eyes grow wide, suddenly looking much more interested than their previous entire conversation, "he did?"

"Yeah, kinda got me confused why he didn't ask you directly, did something happen between you guys?" Again, Doyoung didn't answer, Johnny asked again, "was it because of me...?"

"What? No, nothing to do with you, we-" he stops, thinking about it, then let out a deep sigh, "it was just something between us, nothing because of you. Was it why you wanted to talk to me? Or did he ask you to?"

"No... I'm the one who wants to talk to you," Johnny whispered, unsure how to say it.

"Why?"

"It just... It's been nagging my mind, the way you misunderstood me. The way you still... Avoid me, resented me," unconsciously, he's fisting the sheet over his thighs.

Doyoung look down, this time it's him who looks guilty, "I don't resent you, but... Perhaps i associates you with the bad past. So..."

"I see..." It makes him sad, the pain in his arms is fading, but comes with the answer was another pain in his chest.

"You could've just left it be, why do you need to reach out to me? It's not like we were friends, I was mean to you from the start."

"Yeah, but... Honestly? I've wanted to be your friend since the first time Taeyong introduced us," he chuckled hollowly, "but I guess you never want that."

The nurse bites his lip again, hands in his pockets and legs shifting, then, "okay..."

"Okay? Okay, what?" Johnny blinks up in confusion.

"Okay, we can try to put the past behind? If you still-"

"Yes, yes, I still want that!" He hurriedly answered with enthusiasm, only for pain to explode again from his arm, "oh fuck I thought it's gone!"

Doyoung laughed softly, aware that they're still in the emergency room after all, "dumbass, your shoulder still dislocated. Stay still, wait for the doctor, she'll be here soon."

"Yeah, I can wait," Johnny grins widely, so visibly happy and excited. For some reason Doyoung didn't know, 'I can wait' sounds like he wasn't addressing the current situation.

"Right, I'll get going then, get well soon," he nodded, turning around, then stops. A few seconds passed as if he's contemplating something, then looking back with a tight, awkward smile, "see you later, Johnny."

The said man grins even wider, "see you again, Doyoung. And please contact Taeyong when you can, I'm sure he misses you."

He nodded again, then left, long gone on his way home when Johnny got his shoulder fixed with a loud, terrifying scream.

***

"Ah... I'm so hungry."

The incubus gives a disapproving glare to Taeyong, "did you skip lunch again?"

"Don't start, I can't help it when we're busy," he huffed, "I was planning to eat, but I couldn't possibly be the only one having lunch when they were all kept working, could I?"

"But that's your right, you work as your responsibility then you got the right to adequate rest and that includes time to eat," Jaehyun protested.

"Yeah, but it's common sense, we don't live alone, we live in society, we have to consider our surrounding."

"Then society should consider your health."

Taeyong laughed, "society might if I were a king or something, but I'm just ordinary man."

"Then I should wreck havoc here and crumble the system and make you a king," he hmph-ed.

"Coming from you that's kinda scary because it seems like you can do that."

Jaehyun scoffed, "I can if it's only wrecking havoc, I got some friends who's a specialist in that."

"Why do I get reminded of Yuta?" They laughed.

"Still, you need to eat something and not go without at all, Taeyong."

"Hmm, well, I did have some bread and ginseng extracts."

"Is that even enough..."

"It's still something," Taeyong chuckled.

"I will make you bring a lunch box from now on," relentlessly Jaehyun said.

"You're just going to argue about this with me, don't you?"

"I'm not arguing, I'm advising you and you know I'm right. You need it more than ever now, given circumstances."

The human exhales heavily, "yes, mom, I get it." Jaehyun make a face, staring at him with displeasure, "what now? I'm not dismissing you."

"I'm being serious, Taeyong."

"So am I, I am!"

"You're not taking me seriously," he sighed.

"I do take this seriously, but you worry too much-"

Jaehyun turned and stops in front of him, "do you understand the gravity of what we're trying to do here? You're already feeling sick now and it'll only going to get worse, so I want us to be extra careful and do more rather than less. I am worried, please understand that."

He stares at him silently, sewing the words into heart, "I know, and I'm not lying when I said I take this seriously. But I don't want my experience about this only that of fear and worry, Jaehyun. I don't want that, how am I going to love our growing family if I fret that much?"

Taeyong took Jaehyun's hands in his, holding them and bridging the distance between their person, "we wish to share the good and the bad, right? And when you're the one feeling unsure and worry, then I want to be happy and hopeful and vice versa, so we can balance it out. I learnt this from you and now I'm reminding you what you teach me."

Jaehyun grips at his hands, eyes never leaving the strength in Taeyong's eyes as it is also poured into him, "alright... But I'll still gonna make you bring a lunch box."

He chuckled, "I'm not gonna stop you for cooking for me, but, I'll still have to take care of my colleagues' feelings."

"Taeyong, some of them are people who don't give a shit about your feelings, they literally fucked you over before-"

"I know, but some of them are friends to me and they care about me as much. I have to take care of their feelings, don't I? I promise I'll eat properly, really."

"Fine," Jaehyun reluctantly agreed, "let's go home now, it's getting colder for you."

"Wait, our hands," they're still holding hands as they start walking again, but the incubus doesn't let go and instead grinned at him.

"It's late and it's rather dark, nobody gonna pay attention to us, besides," he is swinging their hands before bringing it to his lips and kissed Taeyong's hand, "it feels like office affairs, doesn't it?"

Taeyong laughed, leaning the side of his body against the incubus's, "you can be so cheesy, Jaehyun."

"Didn't I make your heart skip?" He snorted in challenge.

"Yeah, you did, you looked really handsome just now," Taeyong teased, bending forward a bit to peek at his face and pleasantly surprised to see the blush on Jaehyun's cheeks, "oh oh, look at you, you really blush whenever I said you're handsome, aren't you."

"Shut up, you're so annoying," Jaehyun pouts still with reddening ears, "what do you want to eat for dinner?"

"I feel like I grow a lot now that I can make you blush and try to change the topic," he laughed happily, letting go of his hand only to hook them on their elbows, "I'm fine with anything, though to be honest I've been wanting to eat something."

Jaehyun deliberately ignored the human's first statement, "what is it?"

"I've been reminiscing so I'm craving for japchae."

"Craving? You start craving now?"

"Part of being pregnant i guess... wow, that sounds weird to say it," he shudders a bit.

"You're not really pregnant, at least not like a normal human, how can you be affected like cravings?" Jaehyun frowned.

"Don't we crave for water when we're thirsty? It's the same, it took from my body so my body start to crave to make up what's lost."

"Make sense now you said it," Jaehyun sighed, "then let's go buy it near home-"

"No, I want it homemade, cook it for me," Taeyong grins with his best puppy eyes.

"... Is this part of your cravings? Ugh no, it's late and we're tired and you're hungry, it needs a lot of preparations to make japchae, so-"

"But I want it. Homemade!" He pouts with maximum inflated cheeks.

"Uuugh, you really need to stop weaponizing your puppy eyes, you can't be thinking that you'll get whatever you want just by pouting," Jaehyun grunts in laments and defeat.

"Let's get the missing ingredients! We can shop at that late market!" Taeyong cheers excitedly.

"I haven't agreed yet."

"You really don't want to cook for me...?" Taeyong brings out another puppy eyes added with his most adorable pouts.

"I'm stronger than that," he turned away, avoid looking, but Taeyong gripping at his front shirt and keep pouting cutely.

"Really, you won't...?"

Jaehyun's face contorted in a dilemma, "goddammit, is there anyone who can say no to that face?"

"Especially you can't say no, can you?" He wiggles his eyebrows full of victory.

"See, you're so sly for utilizing it."

"Only because you make it so easy."

"I really wanna see the face of anyone who can say no to you," Jaehyuns sighed, "fine, I'm gonna put a lot of meats in this japchae, special for you."

"Mhm, yeah, I can feel the love already," he giggles when Jaehyun playfully bumped his shoulder.

"You said you were reminiscing? What's that about? Also, you haven't told me yet who was it you wanted to ask for help."

"Ah, that's a long story," Taeyong chuckled, "and you'll see."

***

When Doyoung look at the mirror in the morning and see his face, he sees a half dead man staring back at him, "holy fuck I look terrible."

He's always bad in the morning, the sun feels like glaring with judgement at him when it penetrates the windows and fill his home. He scratched his chin, eyes half closed with dark rim and rough stubbles growing out the delicate skin. He yawned without care yet the image reflected back make him wince a bit finding him look even more hideous. But as he thinks like that, he could hear a familiar voice in his head says, ' _you're just being stupid, you're gorgeous._ '

Ah yeah, that voice was Taeyong's, he always tried to feed his pessimistic thoughts with positivity. Funny, when at that time he needed it more than Doyoung did, maybe he meant it for himself too. Now he sees one corner of his lips turn upward in a lazy smile, yeah, he don't look that bad except the death in his eyes from exhaustion. He yawned again before washing his face then padding to the kitchen for breakfast. How long ago did he last made breakfast for Taeyong? Long, it's been years, maybe three years now? He thought, and alright it does feel a bit lonesome, but no longer a sad reminder. It's a thing of the past now, it's not bad since now he has grown out of it and in a better place. Free and independent.

The pan sizzles when the butter melts and he throw in two beaten eggs, delicious smell wafting in the air to his nostrils, ah he's waking up. He stirs to make it fluffy and mind coming back to the night he met Johnny at work. He said something about Taeyong asking about him, he wonders again when did they last contact each other? Three months ago wasn't it? They talked about how were they like usually through the phone. Thinking about it, isn't it alright for them to reconnect now that they're better people? Three years was long enough, should they still be so conscious whether to contact one another now? What's the limit in things like this?

Doyoung plate his omelette and bring it to the dining table, sitting down and staring at the food instead of eating it. They've put perspective into place now, they've lived separately and learnt their limits and severe the tie of codependency, at least Doyoung believed they did. Hopefully they did. So, isn't it alright to stay in contact normally like any other normal friends now? Without second guessing or counting the time spent without the other until it's deemed alright to call again? If so, why Taeyong asked Johnny about him? Why not ask him directly? Did something happen? Or did he think they're still not alright?

He sighed, standing up to toast some bread and back to the chair as he waits, taking a bite of his omelette. Taste good on his tongue, but he don't really take notice as thoughts still swarming his head. What good is speculation, he should just call him like always. So he took his toasted bread and eat it with an omelette, while thinking of the words he should say when he call Taeyong.

His worry was needless when his call got picked up by a glad, cheerful voice, " _oh Doyoung! I've been thinking about calling you, your timing is amazing! How are you?_ "

It was a relief, but also a wonder why Taeyong is like that, "I'm fine, how are you? And do you need something from me?"

" _I'm also fine, thankfully. I got something to tell you, and yeah... Honestly, I need your help for a favor... That is, if you're okay with it._ "

"Okay, what do you need?" Silence hanging for a minute, Doyoung had to check if his call was disconnected, but it's not, "Yong?"

"... _I think it's better if we talk about this face to face_."

Suddenly Doyoung's mind is blank, like the words Taeyong's said was merely a short daydream, "face... To face?" That's more than what he was expecting. Somehow, the thought of finally meeting Taeyong in person become a bit anxious, are they really ready? But what is it worrying him? There's nothing.

" _You don't want to? I'm sorry if this sounds selfish since I was the one who cut us off and now that I need your help I asked for this._.." Taeyong said in a quiet, guilty voice.

Perhaps that's what makes Doyoung feel unsure, Taeyong's selfishness about the matter which only fits his need, he feels... Disregarded. But then Taeyong added, " _you don't have to if you don't want it, I'm perfectly aware how selfish i am, your feelings matters a lot so you can say no_."

Those words save Doyoung and doubts bleeding out into trust and self confidence, _it's alright, he didn't force it on you and you can make your own decisions without the fear of making him hate you or something. He trusts you and you trust yourself that you're a better person now, you trust him too to know better than the past._ "It's okay Taeyong, if you're aware of it and you still reach out to me, then that means you really need my help and I'll be happy if I can."

" _Yeah, but you don't have to just because you feel bad for me-_ "

"No, I'm happy I can help not because I feel bad for you, I want to by my own choice. Although I need to know what is it you want from me, hopefully I can help."

" _Okay, I'll go into details when we meet later, where do you think we should? This weekend?_ "

"Maybe a familiar place for both of us? So it won't feel awkward, also this weekend works fine with me," Doyoung grins, knowing for sure that Taeyong also smiling the same.

" _Then at that family restaurant we often went to? They have a good japchae_."

Doyoung laughed, "what? You missed the japchae there? Didn't you go there even without me?"

There's a beat of silence at first, then with an airy voice Taeyong replied, " _it's not their japchae I missed, I had a japchae a few days ago actually. But you know, do you remember when you used to cook japchae over and over again because you failed at it before?_ "

"Of all things you could remember, you remember that? That was awful, I just can't make the sauce to seep into the noodles and it tasted bland."

" _Yeah_ ," Taeyong laughed, " _and you used to undercook the mushrooms and meat too, so it really was awful. Until you got it after a lot of times and it tasted great, I remember that day when you let me eat it and being so proud about it._ "

"That was the start of me to like cooking, it felt fulfilled to cook something delicious," Doyoung laughed along.

" _But it wasn't the delicious japchae I missed, though_ ," Taeyong said softly, a bit dreamy and bittersweet, " _I missed those days when we try things, figuring it out and succeed at it together. Those days, what I missed, japchae was only the reminder of it_."

Doyoung smiled quite sadly, melancholic and he missed those days too, "true... But now we have wider world, don't we, we have better things than before."

" _Right, we've grown, it's nice_."

Even if they didn't say anything after that, it was comfortable, even when they've grown apart, they still know each other well and Doyoung feels relieved, "see you on the weekend then, Taeyong."

" _See you then, Doyoung_."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated and the fuel to motivate me into writing 🤟😁💚
> 
> My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


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